Konan on Memories, Thoughts, and Pein Being a Jerk
by sarsaparillia
Summary: God damn it Pein! Stop poking me in the side! — Konan/Pein.


**AN:** WHEEE!!! YES!!! I MADE IT TO A SECOND SOTRY!!! Anyway… ya, I know, I'm insane. I've known that for a while now… Just so you know, this is total crack, and I made Pein an idiot in this. It makes me laugh. Why is it that I can never write anything funny?! It always either gets totally fluffy, or totally serious!!! Or it just plain sucks.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Why do I have to say this every time? It just ruins my happiest daydreams… pouts at nothing in particular

**Dedication:** To Torrey, for letting me steal his smell, and his favorite hoodie, and for putting up with me when I'm bitching. To Jayman for teaching me to laugh at myself when I'm at my worst, even though you're the biggest dick I know (which is saying something. I know Richard.). To Chelsey for being the amazing girlie she is. I love you all, as much as you scare me.

Konan hated today. There were a lot of days that she thought were fair (like when she was on a mission with Pein. Those days were okay,) and there were a lot of days that she liked (like the day when Uchiha set Deidara's hair on faire. **That** was a fun day). But there were only so many days that she hated. This was one of them.

The reason that Konan hated this day? Well, in all actuality, there wasn't much to it. Pein was being the most annoying asshole in the world, as usual. She didn't know why, but for some reason, today, his annoying-asshole-ness-I-love-you-forever-more thing was really getting on the blue-haired woman's nerves.

It wasn't the fact that she didn't love Pein (because, really, somewhere in the recesses of her heart, she did) no, it was the fact that he wouldn't stop bother her about her lip ring. She only had one, compared to his eight billion, but that was no reason for him to get all uppity about it. She had been planning to get another one soon, so that she would have had a pair, one on each side of her bottom lip. Like snake-bites, she had decided, only to shudder at the thought of snakes.

She hated snakes. At one point, she had liked the slithering creature. And then came Orochimaru. She knew he could never hurt her again, because Uchiha's younger brother had disposed of him. Or so he (meaning Pein, and thus, the rest of Akatsuki) had heard. But even so, they still gave her the willies'.

She laughed at nothing in particular, because really, there was very little that scared her. She had spent her entire life killing other people, other ninja. No mission had ever scared her, because she knew that nothing could have destroyed her. Even the last mission her Hidden village had sent her on hadn't scared her. The mission had been a death mission, and so far no one had even attempted it. After she returned, victorious, to her home, her Kage became afraid for his position and his power. He wanted to know why she had been able to survive that mission. She had unique chakra, it was true, but it was no reason to send half an army after one girl!

This Kage in particular was stupid. He had sent half the most elite ANBU after her. She had slaughtered them all, with no qualms about the blood. Or the killing, for that matter.

_**Flashback**_

She hadn't even realized it, but Pein had been watching from up in one of the trees. She hadn't known his name then, she mused. After she had killed the last man standing, he jumped down towards her.

She threw one of her special kunai at him, one of the ones made of paper. He had dodged it, which had surprised her, because they were heat seeking, and they rarely, if ever, missed. Despite her surprise, she did not miss the chuckle that escaped his lips.

"I didn't realize you're a girl. When they said that there was a rogue Nin killing bounty hunters, I thought that they meant a man."

His voice was deep and masculine, and Konan's face heated up, from not only her rage at his words, but the fact that he was speaking to her at all. She glared at him, although her face was the colour of a tomato.

"Men are pigs! Of course I'm a girl! Who were you talking to anyways? Everyone around here knows me, because I'm… different." Then anger in her voice was directed at herself, and at the people who had forced her to become what she had become. He tilted his head at her.

"I could help you get away you know. I'm working on a project, and I need someone of your capabilities. I've been watching you for a while now Konan…"

Okay, now **that** was creepy. He already knew her name?

"Just how long have you been watching me? How did you know my name, I never told you, did I? And, here's another question, one directed at me. How come I haven't killed you yet?"

The wind picked up, whipping her blue hair into her cerulean eyes, her fingers still dripping the blood of the men she had so recently killed. She reached up to fix the flower in her hair, staining the delicate paper the deep red that was continuously dripping off her fingers. He watched her fingers with avid interest, watching her stain the white paper so beautifully red. He wondered what it was about the colour that so amazed him. It could keep him looking forever and ever, and he would never get enough of it. And the bloodied red-and-white flower really did look good against her hair.

She tilted her head at him, her lip ring jutting out as she glared at him. He chuckled again.

"You couldn't kill me if you tried Konan my dear. I have a bad tendency to survive everything and anything that's thrown at me."

She continued to glare at him, before saying warily "I'm giving you five minutes of my valuable time so that you can explain to me why you were watching me, how you know my name, and who the hell you are."

So he did explain. And in great detail. After ten minutes, she could see that this might take a while, so she motioned for him to sit down across from her. He did, and had no problems with sitting in an environment full of dead bodies. She was impressed. Anyone who was THAT emotionless couldn't be THAT bad. So she listened to him, and the more she thought on it, the more she realized that this man was her only way out.

"Alright, I listened. Now you have to tell me what I'll be doing. And you still haven't told me your name."

He nodded at her statement. "You'll be traveling with me, trying to find the other best shinobi in our world. Once we have gathered nine of them, we will begin our quest to find the jinchuuriki that hold our power over the entire world. Oh, and, by the way, my name is Pein."

_**End of Flashback**_

She shook her head of the memories. It wasn't that she loved Pein or anything, ok, well, that's a lie, she did love him. She had come to adore the piercings and the chuckle that showed his real amusement. She loved the way he sometimes held her hand after she had been hurt. She loved the way he got all jealous over her when Deidara flirting with her after he had first met her. There had been no need really, she had set Deidara in his place and had nearly castrated the younger man.

She could remember days sitting in the hideout, planning where to go next. His opinion had never really mattered to her on where they went next, because she always decided where they would go next. There was never any room for him to make a change to her plans. He may have been the leader of Akatsuki, but she was the mastermind behind his more stupid acts. She loved watching him get in trouble for doing something stupid, like when she had told him that Uchiha had purpler nail polish then he did.

Gah! No more memories! She had to work on making some more paper kunai. They were an important part of her artillery, and they didn't take up as much space as ordinary kunai did. They also weren't dangerous until she jammed them full of her signature chakra. That's when they were dangerous.

And right now, Pein was standing next to her, poking her in the side, and if he didn't stop soon, he was going to be missing an important part of his anatomy. She twitched. Poke. Poke. Poke. Ker-smack!

The satisfying 'thunk' he made as he hit the floor made her smile. But he got back up, if only to pester her some more.

"Konan. You should get some more piercings. Maybe some on your ears? Or, no, maybe a few along your nose! Then we could be twins!"

Konan twitched again. She smacked him again. He fell over again. Then he got up again. And started poking her. Again. He really doesn't learn, does he?

"Pein, if you don't stop touching me, I'm going to really fucking murder you. There will be none of you left. Nothing at all. I'll get Deidara to put some bomb in your soup so that it blows you to little tiny pieces. And then I will have my revenge on your annoying, poking-me-in-the-side ass!"

She glared at him maniacally and then had an epiphany. She would poke him back. Screw the kunai, she could do those later. This stupid idiot required her attention now.

So she poked him back. But she didn't expect what happened next. His lips twitched. He was ticklish! Poke, poke, poke. Poke. He was barely holding in the laughter now.

Suddenly she attacked him, her fingers running up and down his sides in an attempt to get him to truly laugh. Not just chuckle, laugh. And then he was laughing, and it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard and she hoped to whatever god that was up there that he never stopped laughing, ever.

After half an hour or so of them being total idiots, rolling around, tickling each other, Konan ended up laying on top of him, totally exhausted. She barely had the strength to whisper in his ear. "Ha. I win." He just chuckled, and wrapped his arms around her.

"I still want you to get another lip ring."

She laughed.

"Fine. I'll get another lip ring if you laugh more. And if you don't, I'll sleep with Deidara. Is he even straight?"

"Done. Don't you dare sleep with Deidara. You're mine. And really, I have no idea whether he's straight. He was depressed for the longest time after Sasori died…"

"Mmhmm…"

She snuggled close into his shoulder and breathed in the unique scent that was Pein. She had no idea what type of cologne he used, but it was soooo yummy… She had gotten used to that scent. Maybe, to some people, it would put them off, but she loved it. There was the mingled scent of the old blood on his cloak, the oddly icy-yet-somehow-nice scent of snow, and that cologne of his.

Some people would call them a couple. Some would call them partners. Some would simply call them strange.

Konan called the Akatsuki friends, because that was what they were.

**((Well. That sucked, and it was short. Please Review, and tell me what'cha think!))**


End file.
